Content

For the first time in my ‘almost’ 27 years of life, I feel content.

I feel enough, I feel complete, and even if nothing more is added to my life right now, I would be perfectly okay with it.

Wow. Never thought that I would ever be in this state, ever.

One of the biggest factors that contributed to this is getting my own place. I guess having a place you can call ‘home’ does do things to your mental health. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the idea of communal living — in fact, I feel like there are a lot of advantages to living with other people. However, having my own place feels like I can finally ‘start’ my life. I am the one who holds the steering wheel and I am the one who decides where to go or what to do, and that’s such a good feeling to have. Back in Indonesia, after getting my bachelor’s degree, I moved back to my parent’s house (just like a typical Indonesian daughter would do) and lived there for around 4 years, so this is my first real chance to taste living independently.

Another factor that I think contributes to feeling content is that I let out some hidden thoughts, or secrets, that I don’t want anyone to know before. In short, I just open up to some people. This works for me like wonder. I feel like I am more myself now — I don’t try to be someone else or fit into some roles that society assigns to me. The most surprising part is, even after letting out all those thoughts and secrets, no one seemed to be judging me. Well, after all, the thought of disappointing others was just some excuse I made in my head to not be honest with myself.

It’s still a long way to go, though. I still need to learn to let people shape their own perceptions of me without getting bothered too much by it. I still need to learn to appreciate myself and be aware of my self-worth. I still need to learn to voice my honest opinion and stop telling people white lies just because that’s what they want to hear. Yes, there are many things that are yet to be learned but I’m pretty confident that I’m on the right track to something good.

Cheers to becoming 27 in 2 months!

26 is such a great age, btw.