This should be a very happy time

I hope it’s not considered too late to write a 2024 recap post on the first morning of 2025.

How did I spend my New Year’s Eve this year?

Ever since I was a kid, I never spent New Year’s Eve outside of home. The closest I can get to a ‘party’ was probably that one time I went to my grandma’s house in Palembang and the big family spent New Year’s Eve together playing cards, making roasted corn, playing with the fireworks… (mind you it was middle school, a long-long time ago). After that, every New Year’s Eve was spent inside the house, with each of the family members doing their own thing. I usually just stayed alone in my room and wrote a reflection/wishlist post in my secret blog haha.

I used to have this running blog post called “20XX, I’m (kind of) ready!”. So basically, I just changed the title to 2016, 2017, etc every year. Started writing that during my second year of high school (the first post dated way back to 2012) and stopped writing in 2016 (it was kinda short-lived, I know). However, in 2016, the title changed to “2017, I have to be ready!” because that’s the year where I graduated college and it marked the end of my era as a student and started a new role as a functioning part of the society.

For the first time in 3 years, I change the title of the wishlist post. This year, it is not about whether I am ready or not to face the next year, but I “have to be” ready. There is no space for trial and error anymore. There is no excuse for stepping back and being a coward. Now is the time to jump into the ocean and embrace the coldness.

That’s what I wrote in my last wishlist post in 2017 hahaha. Looking back at that post, I realized how tense and mean I was to myself. How to explain to a 20-year-old kid that life is all about trial and error? And, that it’s fine to step back sometimes if that’s the best you can do in that situation. My 20-year-old self would never understand the things that I hold on to and the things that I let go of right now, but I know she will still be proud of her future self.

Anyway, where was I again… Ah, alright, I was talking about my New Year's Eve tradition. Ever since I came to Korea, I’ve always spent New Year's Eve outside with friends and had no chance to write a post anymore. I am not complaining though, because spending it with the right friends is 10 times more fun than spending it alone. However, since this year there is no gathering like before, I decided to just spend it at home so that I could write something, and, of course, it was an utter failure because I fell asleep as soon as it turned 2025.

How would I sum up my 2024?

It did go off on a very bad start:

• Became a committee for Indonesia’s Presidential Election and had to witness 02 get the most votes with my own eyes.
• Worked too much as a tour guide.
• Thesis! Damn. The dumbest I’ve ever felt in my life.
• My skin! Damn. Never had acne problems as bad as the ones I have now (and, sadly, I am still bringing this problem to 2025).

But then it got better:

• Finished my thesis and graduated.
• Went on so many trips with friends (my favorite was Jeju!).
• Got a job in a Korean company, and in a role that (kinda) matches with my background and work experiences.
• Went to Indonesia for like 5 days (short, but healing).
• Went on a solo trip to Japan to meet my 3-year-old nephew (the last time I saw him was when he was still a 3-month-old baby).
• Countless concerts (DAY6 4 times, SVT 7 times, IU 1 time).

So, what to expect in 2025?

• Clear skin (God, please… grant me this one).
• Can stay in Korea for at least one more year (and figure it out again after my visa ends).
• More international travel.
• BIFF 2025!

Recently, I also started watching old American sitcoms again. Been so long since I watched Friends and Modern Family (my two favorites). Lately, I felt like I’m losing my English so I need to watch American TV series more often. I coincidentally encountered this Friends episode where Rachel and Ross ‘accidentally’ got married in Vegas, and when they were eating breakfast with everybody the next morning, Phoebe said to Ross something like: “Oh, so that’s your thing! You’re the ‘divorce’ guy!”

And I realize that… this can be on my 2025 wishlist too. To have a ‘thing’. Unlike Ross, I like it when people identify what my ‘thing’ is and call me for it. However, for the longest time, I felt like I was living without a ‘thing’, especially from 2020 to 2023, when I was basically in survival mode. But, in 2024, I found so many things that I can call ‘my thing’, and received a lot of happiness from those.

Also, I am going to start 2025 on a positive note by keeping these magic words in the back of my mind:

“나는 왜 힘들어할까. 지금 너무 행복할 시기인데.”

“Why am I (making myself) struggling? This should be a very happy time.”

Whenever I encounter hardships and start to overthink them, I need to remind myself that I shouldn’t be making it even more difficult. You’ve been through numerous difficult times before — trust yourself that this hardship is going to pass eventually because now should be the time for you to be happy. Recognize your happiness. Admit that you’re happy. Don’t keep on worrying whether it’s artificial or not. And stop romanticizing struggles — you’re almost 30, it’s not fun anymore.

Well, I guess I’m ready for 2025 now.