Who run the world?
A repost from January 17, 2021
When I was 19 years old, I had this wish to be reborn as a cis straight white boy in 60s America, and sometimes I still re-imagined that. I don’t know why I pick that “role” as a reincarnation wish — which is quite unbelievable when I think about it now — but, at that time, I acknowledged that the cis straight white male has the biggest privilege in this doomed society and I think it would be fun to live as one. All the western pop cultures that I consumed were pointing out the privileges that this certain group has. I want to do all the fucking things I want to do in life without worrying about being judged with unfair stereotypes that the people in other spectrums get from doing the same thing… I mean, isn’t that just wonderful?
Anyway, looking back at my wish now, I feel dumb for even wanting to be a straight white male. I’m so ashamed of myself for even thinking about it. Soon, I realized that being born a woman is way cooler — I’m even more assured that women are the best creatures we can ever have in this world. No, this is not an “I hate men” or “All men are assholes” sort of movement or anything, it’s just that I have been reflecting on men and women’s roles in society through the people around me (and, of course, movie lens — another way to look at others’ reality without living it first-hand).
Take a look at the movie “Minari”. I absolutely adore this movie, I think it’s a gift to the cinematic world. However, I witness some of the “nature” of men’s roles in a family in that movie and it drove me up the wall. I can feel the rage and fury of the mother figure in that family — I can relate to her feelings and decisions. Oh, and Steven Yeeun’s character is the depiction of a typical Asian father. The “dad” is the one who puts his dream ahead of anyone else (even at the expense of his child’s well-being), the one who pushes the whole family to the limit, the one who thinks that what he does is the best for everyone (while people around him are literally at the edge of exploding), the one who thinks that since he provides for the meals, the family is “his” and he can do whatever he wants with it. I suppose it’s a social construct that has been there for years so I won’t blame men completely for becoming like that. It’s a role that has been assigned to them ever since they were kids.
Another movie that shows a clear depiction of a patriarchal family is Koreeda’s Still Walking. In that movie, you can see that the women literally kept the family together. The father (or the grandfather) was just laying around in his room, being grumpy about “God-knows-what”; the son-in-law was busy playing with the kids, breaking things in the house; the biological son was equally useless, just sitting around while looking at the women figures who were trying their best to break the ice. The three women in that movie; the mother (or the grandmother), the daughter-in-law, and the biological daughter; were all amazing. They tidied up the place, cooked the whole day, cleaned up all the mess, and kickstarted conversations (and stopped it when they crossed the line)… I mean, what else could they be doing for the family? To tell you the truth, this movie is the perfect reflection of how a typical Asian family gathering goes. All the women literally got things done while the men were busy in their own world. I could recall all those family gatherings I’ve attended to this date and they’re exactly like the one in that movie.
I hate it. I hate that it’s so real. I hate that it’s our reality. I hate that the movies are so good at illustrating the type of society we live in. I hate that in every part of the world, the same thing is happening and is still going with no exact endpoint. I hate thinking that there is a huge possibility that my daughter, my granddaughter, and my grand-granddaughter, will go through the same thing as me, my mother, my grandmother, and my grand-grandmother.
And those movies are not even as bad as what’s happening in real life. In fact, it’s nearly an ideal condition. Domestic abuse, murder, rape, and harassment, all occurred in this world as the clock ticks. Isn’t this world a dangerous place for women? I may not experience the extremes so far, but that doesn’t mean these fucked up things are not happening. I’m also so full of men dismissing women’s opinions, saying that their thoughts are not valid because the woman has never experienced it or because they think that it “doesn’t happen to every woman”. Boy, I gotta tell you, you don’t need rocket science to figure out that the world is not in women’s favor.
I once thought to myself, “how could women in the past strive to live amidst this monstrosity?”. Then, I reckon… Women are strong — like strangely strong — they have this kind of strength you couldn’t even imagine. I always wonder what are the main drivers that encourage women to live. Perhaps, because they acknowledge that their life is at stake all the time, their determination to live is stronger than anyone. Remember that little speech in Fleabag, about how women live with pain? In case you don’t, I’ll recite it here:
“I’ve been longing to say this out loud — women are born with pain built-in, it’s our physical destiny — period pain, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it with us throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to invent things like gods and demons… they create wars so they can feel things and touch each other… and we have it all going on in here. Inside, we have pain on a cycle for years.”
Despite all the awful things, I’m so grateful that I was born a woman. It’s literally the coolest thing ever. What’s not cool about being the one who runs the world? I’m not saying that the world is better off without men, of course not. What I’m mad about is that women literally run the world yet we’re treated like we don’t.
I’m today years old when I really get your philosophy, Queen Beyonce.
